Have you ever looked through your partner’s phone or read their messages? Do you feel that horrible pit in your stomach forming when they talk to an attractive stranger or hang out with certain friends? Trust me, I get it – we’ve all been there. But you have to admit, feeling jealous and insecure in a relationship isn’t exactly enjoyable. And sometimes, it even becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But how in the world can you stop those feelings? How can you deal with jealousy and put more trust in your romantic partner? Don’t worry, it’s nothing to start spiraling about. I’m here to give you some insight into what your jealousy could mean and how to stop being jealous in a relationship. Ready to dive in?

What Is the Green-Eyed Monster, Really?

Ah, jealousy – a seemingly simple feeling with the power to ruin relationships. But it’s actually not that simple. At its core, jealousy creeps up when we perceive a threat to our relationship. It’s that tiny voice in our heads whispering, “What if they find someone better?” or “Am I not enough?” Essentially, it comes from the fear of losing someone or something we deeply care about.

And while jealousy is a totally valid and normal emotion we’ve all experienced, it can become pretty toxic and harmful if you give it too much power and lean into it. Over time, it can lead to many sleepless nights and frequent fights with your partner. Eventually, you can end up losing the thing you’re holding on to so hard.

Check out these common ways in which jealousy can manifest itself in a relationship:

• Feeling anxious or depressed
• Obsessive worrying and paranoia
• Becoming obsessed with your partner, what they’re doing, where they are, etc.
• Lack of trust
• Low self-esteem

Do you recognize any of these feelings and behaviors? Don’t worry, this is a safe space. Let’s explore these emotions further to get to their root, so you can learn how to deal with jealousy.

What Triggers Jealousy in a Relationship

What is the root of that pang of jealousy you feel whenever your partner goes out without you? It could be a number of things, but there are a few common causes of jealousy in a marriage or relationship. These are a few common suspects:

• Insecurity: Deep-seated feelings of self-doubt and uncertainty can pave the way for jealousy to rear its head. Due to these feelings, it’s easy to start feeling unworthy of your relationship and project your fears and insecurities onto your partner, magnifying and overthinking any potential threats.
• Self-esteem issues: When our self-worth takes a hit, jealousy can seep into the crevices of our minds. Throw in comparison into the mix and you’ve got yourself the perfect breeding ground for even deeper insecurities and jealousy.
• Past trauma: Previous painful experiences like infidelity and emotional abuse can leave emotional scars, causing trust issues and jealousy to bubble up. These hurtful experiences can lead to anxiety or self-esteem issues, fear of abandonment, and many other issues. This emotional baggage from previous partners can really warp the way you look at relationships, intimacy and trust. 
• Lack of trust: Trust acts as the sturdy foundation of any relationship. While you can love someone you don’t trust, without trust, seeds of doubt can sprout into jealousy, and then it’s all downhill.
• Other relationship flaws: Unresolved conflicts, communication breakdowns, unmet needs or catching your partner in a lie can accumulate and ignite jealousy and mistrust over time.

Healthy Ways to Deal With Jealousy

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes jealousy is your gut feeling telling you something’s off. But sometimes, it’s just a deep-rooted issue you need to work on. It can be hard to differentiate the two. But try asking yourself: where is the jealousy coming from? 

Is your partner showing signs of emotional abuse, gaslighting, manipulation or love-bombing? Have they broken your trust in the past? These red flags can be a sign of a toxic relationship and you shouldn’t ignore them. But if the threat only exists in your head, then it’s time to learn how to control jealousy.

Self-Reflection Time

Step one: look inward. Identify your triggers and patterns. Is it the late-night texts? The friendly smiles from strangers? Or maybe it’s just the mental gymnastics your brain does when your partner goes out with their friends. Pay attention to these things – what are the exact situations and circumstances that spark your jealousy? And why – has your partner done something to make you feel this way or are you overthinking things?

By pinpointing these triggers, you gain the power to recognize the situations that stir up those uneasy feelings. Then you’ll be able to move forward and learn how to deal with jealousy in the best and healthiest way.

Talk, Talk, Talk

When it comes to dealing with jealousy in relationships, there’s one powerful tool you can’t afford to underestimate: honest communication.  

Bottling up your emotions only allows jealousy to fester and grow stronger, but when you open up and share your concerns, you create space for understanding and resolution. By expressing yourself in a calm and compassionate manner, you give your partner a chance to offer reassurance and support. 

This conversation, while uncomfortable, can also be very eye-opening. Notice your partner’s reaction to your feelings – are they reassuring you and making you feel heard and cared for? Or are they rolling their eyes, blaming you, shaming you or getting worked up and defensive? Their reaction could say a lot.

So, sit down together, grab a cup of tea, and have that heart-to-heart.

Manage Your Emotions – Don’t Lash Out

I know it can be difficult to keep your cool when those jealous feelings consume you, but acting out in anger or frustration will only exacerbate the situation. Losing grip over your emotions and lashing out can create a barrier between you guys and a very negatively-charged environment. So, in the face of heightened emotions, take a deep breath and pause before reacting.

Remind yourself that your emotions are valid, but they don’t justify hurting your loved one. Find healthier ways to express your feelings, such as having an honest talk with your significant other. Share your concerns calmly and without accusations, allowing your partner to understand your perspective.

Build Trust with Your Partner

Okay, so you’re struggling with trust issues in your romantic relationship and it’s causing overwhelming jealousy? After your self-reflection moment when you established why you don’t trust your partner, you can start working on building that trust back. Of course, this will take time and the process will depend a lot on the root of the issue. But in many cases, trust can be rebuilt and the relationship saved from jealousy. Let me give you some tips.

• Talk it out. You need to keep the lines of communication open, honest and regular. And whatever you do, do not run away from the hard conversations – those are often the most important ones. 
• Listen. No, but really listen – actively. Don’t jump to conclusions, hear what your partner is saying instead.
• Don’t assume. Making assumptions and creating your own narratives can make you feel jealous and insecure, even when there’s no reason for that. So, just read the previous points – it all goes back to listening and talking.
• Make time for quality time. Phones off, ears on. Spend time with each other, go on a date, make each other feel special, laugh, have fun – show appreciation for each other. These bonding moments will help you build that trust.
• Check in with each other. Make sure you’re both feeling good, safe and secure within the relationship. 
• Take accountability and know when to apologize. We all make mistakes sometimes, the important thing is that we’re able and willing to own up to them and earnestly say sorry.
• Follow through. Actions speak louder than words, so keep your promises and stay consistent in your relationship.

By introducing these changes to your relationship and both of you putting in the effort, you’ll start feeling more secure with your partner over time. Then, hopefully, you’ll get the reassurance you need to stop feeling jealous. If you need some help in this department, I encourage you to apply for my webinar – it will change your life and your relationship (for the better!). It’s time to make your relationship work!

Work on Your Confidence

Lack of confidence, negative self-talk and low self-esteem are issues that many people face, especially in nowadays when comparison is at an all-time high. If this is something that resonates with you, it’s time to build yourself back up and work on your confidence. Feeling more self-assured should even help you not to get jealous in your relationship. Here’s what I suggest:

• Practice self-care: Take time for yourself and engage in activities that make you feel good. Whether it’s exercising, pampering yourself with a spa day, or simply indulging in your favorite hobbies, learn to enjoy your own company. 
• Challenge negative self-talk: Notice any negative thoughts or self-doubt and challenge them. Replace self-criticism with positive affirmations and remind yourself of your strengths and qualities. It’s easier said than done, but it does get easier with time.
• Celebrate your achievements: Acknowledge your accomplishments, big and small. Give yourself credit for your successes and remember that you have the power to achieve great things.
• Identify and remind yourself of your strengths. You have a lot to offer – recognize that.
• Stop comparing yourself. I know it’s incredibly hard, especially when you see so many photos of the perfect person and the perfect lifestyle when scrolling through social media. But those are just photos, not reality. Focus on all the great things in your life, practice gratitude and recognize that you’re not meant to be anybody else.
• Seek professional help if needed: Don’t shy away from contacting a mental health professional who can provide guidance and support in building your confidence. They can help you navigate through deeper issues and provide you with the tools to overcome feelings of jealousy.

Never Hesitate to Look for Help

When it becomes all-consuming and hard to manage, romantic jealousy can truly make you spiral out of control. Whether it’s come to that or you simply want to tackle the issue head-on and prevent it from growing, talking to a professional will do wonders for your relationship.

If you want to learn how to deal with jealousy in a relationship and manage your feelings, claim your ticket to a jealousy-free relationship by signing up for my transformative masterclass! As a relationship psychologist, my goal is to make relationships work and help women stand in their power. In my webinar, I’ll give you a 5-step game plan to fix your relationship and regain your joy and power, so claim your spot today!

Let’s start working on that jealousy – we’ll tackle the monster together!